Billy Mays

Billy Mays is no longer here.

The infomercial icon, who flamboyantly showcased products like OxiClean and Orange Glo, died this morning, according to Tampa Police.

William Darrell Mays, Jr., who would have turned 51 next month, suffered a bump on the head during a landing at Tampa International Airport yesterday.

Upon his return from Philadelphia, Mays had tweeted: "Just had a close call landing in Tampa. The tires blew out upon landing. Stuck in the plane on the runway. You can always count on US Air."

It was his humor that never failed to provoke reaction; Mays would often inflame "Pitchmen" co-host Anthony Sullivan during show tapings for the Discovery Channel. The show airs Wednesdays at 10:00 p.m. A recent episode featured Mays dangling from a pirate ship near St. Petersburg's Pier while demonstrating the strength of a new product.

Mays would joke about his "hard head" to television crews following the flight. It's not clear what struck his head, or whether his death is connected to the blow.

Mays' wife, Deborah Wooley, told police she found Billy's body inside his Tampa home this morning. Police do not suspect a break-in or foul play.

The enthusiastic pitchman had been working on a book deal in New York earlier this month. He had just appeared on Tuesday's "Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien." And Mays had been scheduled to undergo hip replacement surgery -- his third -- tomorrow, per his Twitter entry.

"He's gone. I'm gonna be strong for him. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers everyone," Mays' 22-year-old son, Billy III, tweeted this morning.

The King

The King is dead.

Throughout a career equal parts charisma and chaos, Michael Jackson still somehow managed to heal the world.

"Weird Al" Yankovic wouldn't be "Weird Al" without those infectious Jackson parodies, like "Fat" and "Eat It." Tonight Yankovic tweets: "Oh man. Can't believe it. RIP Michael Jackson."

Another contemporary musician -- ?uestlove of The Roots -- posts on his Twitter account: "Elvis got revisionist media treatment. I expect the friggin same for my hero."

The media certainly never encountered a more intriguing icon-meets-spectacle personality. He was the original M.J. He was his own reality show. And he was only 50.

"He was a positive thinker," remembers Bruce Swedien, Jackson's recording engineer on every album since Off The Wall.

Reached at his Florida home tonight, the 75-year-old Swedien describes Jackson as "a joy to work with...totally prepared, always." During recording sessions Jackson would come to the studio with the music already memorized, Swedien says.

The men met in 1978 during the filming of The Wiz, an African-American adaptation of The Wizard of Oz, which features Jackson as the Scarecrow. The Off The Wall album would soon follow, and by 1982 Thriller would set the musical masterpiece bar to an all-time high.

Thriller isn't just the best-selling album; Thriller may well be the best album ever made.

Swedien couldn't predict the impact the record continues to inflict on the world. On Thriller's success, he remarks, "You can't go into it with that in mind. What comes out is what comes out."

The year 2001 would represent each man's final venture in music-making; the ironically-titled Invincible arrived post-9/11. The engineer claims Jackson had "no firm plans" to make another album when the two spoke last year.

"Michael kept things pretty close to his chest," Swedien recalls.

While recording the Bad album in 1987, Jackson struggled with his vocal on a song that demanded a higher key. He couldn't sing it. So he walked out of the studio.

Swedien found Jackson in the corner of his room, sobbing.

"He was totally upset that he couldn't perform it," Swedien says.

The men decided to take it down a key. And then the song sounded just right:

If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

"'Man In The Mirror,'" Swedien sighs. The single would hit number one in early 1988.

Tonight Jackson's musical partner and friend of 30 years chooses to remember that -- in spite of the controversy, the disgrace and the stigma -- Michael Jackson lived up to his loving lyrics.

"If you could think of the best possible situation, that was working with Michael."

-P.F.

'Jenny' Memoir

Forget all the gossip you've heard about Jenny.

She never dated any member of the '80s rock band Tommy Tutone, and she certainly never changed her number; the girl who got away does not -- and never did -- exist.

"There was no Jenny," songwriter Alex Call admits during a telephone interview from his Nashville home Wednesday. "The number? It came to me out of the ether."

Since late 1981, Call's classic "867-5309/Jenny" has maintained urban legend appeal with its young lust tale of a boy who discovers his crush's phone number scribbled on the wall of the men's room.

The song itself serves as a bittersweet paradox; heavy radio and MTV rotation would catapult the San Francisco band to Top Five status, while the tune's popularity would ruin the lives of those who shared Jenny's phone number. Three decades following the birth of "Jenny", the crank calls continue.

"It was a joke that happened one day," Call remembers of the quick songwriting process. Today the man behind the Tommy Tutone tune puts the finishing touches on his forthcoming rock 'n' roll memoir, For A Good Time Call: 867-5309: I Wrote The Song That Saved My Ass. The 300-page snapshot will span his experiences between 1960 and 1988.

By 1981, Call had already recorded with Elvis Costello and Huey Lewis, and had even gone platinum with a song he wrote for Pat Benatar. But there was just something about Jenny.

Call had the catchy chorus down. The name and the number had seemed to fall into place while he sat beneath a plum tree in his Mill Valley, Ca., backyard, just north of San Francisco. But Call was missing something. He needed verses.

That day Call got a visit from Jim Keller, a well-known guitarist and friend Call had met through the local music scene. Within 20 minutes, the two men had it: I got your number on the wall.

Before long Tommy Tutone were off to Los Angeles, but 32-year-old Alex Call was stuck at home digging ditches for a contractor, publicly unattached to the band's fame that was only beginning to bud. "Jenny" was creeping up on mainstream radio. And suddenly the band wanted exclusive rights to the song.

"There was always a dagger in someone's hand, and it was usually a friend's hand," Call remembers. "Sometimes, it's your best buddy."

Call wasn't about to sign over his share of the writing credits. His decision paid off when Arista Records offered him a deal. His self-titled first album barely hit shelves in 1983 when the deal fell apart. The guy who had signed Call had been fired. Another guy had abruptly quit the label.

The songwriter, now 60, chuckles, "I went from zero to hero to zero in about a year-and-a-half."

Jenny was a work of fiction, but she somehow managed to come between the men in her life.

While the song's opening guitar lick, chord progression and chorus were Call's idea, Keller beefed up the tune's backbone with additional lyrics. The two songwriters agreed on their roles in the composition. It was Tommy Tutone frontman Tommy Heath who, according to Call, created the copyright controversy.

"We did fight over it. Tommy wanted to be part of the song [credits]. But he wasn't." Heath could not be reached for comment.

Even with the band's success realized, Tommy Tutone would later refuse to record another Call-penned song, "You Never Really Loved."

"It would have been perfect for them," he says.

Still, every time "Jenny" plays, she pays. Even today. Record sales are down, and those '80s compilations have lost steam, but the royalty checks have never stopped coming. Call splits a sum with several people each time an FM station spins "Jenny": roughly 12 cents.


That's when 30-second television spots have come in handy. "It's a real good place for songwriters to get money out of their catalogues," Call explains.

Hits from the '80s have recently featured in television ads, many selling a taste of the old school while those who recall the hits -- many no longer considered "thirtysomethings" -- eat it up. A new Ore-Ida advertisement serves up a snippet of Quiet Riot's "Cum On Feel the Noize" cover. And a nationwide Benjamin Franklin Plumbing commercial presents a rendition of "867-5309/Jenny."

Call continues to compose and record music in Nashville -- and the only lady in his life is named Lisa. The married couple have performed their album, Passion & Purpose, at a number of healthcare conferences across the country.

Call's next project involves polishing those final chapters of his rock story by the end of August.

She may have saved his ass, she's nothing more than the hypothetical heroine of a three-minute teen angst anthem.

"Jenny's just a good rock 'n' roll name."

-P.F.

Joe's Show

Despite David Gregory's best effort, the "Meet The Press" host couldn't quite unhinge Vice President Joe Biden this morning.

Yet somehow -- during a nonstop, fast-paced 32-minute Q-and-A -- Joe never lost his footing. He wasn't overly defensive. He never appeared angry. And no inappropriate jokes! Phew.

Gregory's rapid-fire reporting style kept our Veep on his toes. Let's face it, when Dick Cheney starts logging more media face time, the American people deserve a Biden status report. We need answers on the economy, soaring unemployment and our health care state. And we need them from Mr. Second In Command.

Three key points from Biden's "Meet The Press" appearance:

• While he withholds comment on the impact of Ahmadinejad's election win, Biden assures "we're not going to allow Iran to go nuclear";
• on our country's rising unemployment claims, Biden remarks "everyone feels mildly better about where the economy is going"; and
• with some prodding from David Gregory, Biden admits he "won't rule out" a future run for President.

Well, Joe, you almost made it through an interview without an awkward statement.

First, saying we won't allow Iran to develop nukes is like saying we won't allow Lindsay Lohan access to alcohol. It's inevitable. And neither seems afraid to advertise it.

As for people feeling "mildly better" about the economy, I'd like to meet those eternal optimists. "Mildly better" more aptly describes how one feels the morning after a NyQuil-induced coma.

And, I'm sorry, but Joe Biden should have never hinted at a future Presidential run. That's one question you should have dodged, Mr. Vice President. Are you suggesting Obama is a one-term President? Assuming a second-term victory, you'll be 74 when Obama leaves office in 2017. And, for argument's sake, what if Obama refuses to endorse you at that time?

Well, look... Joe's a good guy. He's weathered unspeakable family tragedies during his lifetime. He's sharp and approachable. And he calls his 40-year-old son Beau (who's serving in Iraq) "the finest man I have ever known in my life."

Not bad, Biden. You've lately perfected the art of answering questions without necessarily answering them. Maybe you should run for President.

-P.F.

Kickin' It?

For his final question of his final broadcast of "Meet the Press", Tom Brokaw asked Barack Obama about the habit he had vowed to break in the White House: "Have you stopped smoking?"

The President-elect admitted he had "fallen off the wagon" at times.

Brokaw pressed harder: "That means you haven't stopped."

Obama -- denying his interviewer a straight answer -- smiled and replied, "I have done a terrific job under the circumstances of making myself much healthier. You will not see any violations of these rules in the White House."

In 1993 former First Lady and current State Secretary Hillary Clinton officially banned smoking at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. This preceded a time when her husband - ahem - occasionally enjoyed a cigar in the Oval Office.

Obama wasn't afraid to bum smokes off voters while on the campaign trail. Has he since kicked the habit? A stroke of his pen would indicate so; today Obama signed into law the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act.

And you thought the government was only getting its paws on your car and your credit. Now, in the latest demonstration of federal regulation, Congress wants to curb your cravings.

While states like Florida and Massachusetts have recently imposed a tobacco tax, the new federal law will allow the F.D.A. to fool around with the formula. Removing thousands of toxins from cigarettes will render them unpleasant to the taste, say the feds, and will prevent teens from lighting up.

Not a bad move, considering the government's role for generations as the pusherman and lone victor in this very dangerous -- and very prosperous -- drug game of Big Tobacco.

The law will even require cigarette manufacturers to cut the word "light" from cartons and signs beginning next year. No more Camel Lights, Marlboro Lights, Parliament Lights, et cetera.

Will this cause users to suddenly quit? Let's not blow any smoke here.

While this legislation certainly seems naïve right now, it may eventually prove brilliant; no one has ever thought to just make tobacco taste worse. Simply banning smoking would never work, but selling tobacco that tastes like mud may just do the trick. Spending our taxes on this will likely get us nowhere, but for the sake of public health, this is one risk we should allow Congress to take.

The American Cancer Society claims tobacco products kill more than 440,000 users every year, and let's not forget the hell smoking inflicts on your health insurance premium.

Our elected leaders and their lobbyist cronies never before seemed to care about the American addiction. They're mistaken if this new band-aid will suddenly cause the country to quit cold turkey.

Let's face it: this new law may be the closest the government will ever come to winning that money pit we know as the war on drugs. But don't hold your breath.

-P.F.

It's Terrorism

ter·ror·ism: the systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion.
-- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

ter·ror·ism: (threats of) violent action for political purposes.
-- Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary

"Terrorism is violence, but not every form of violence is terrorism."
-- Walter Laqueur, The New Terrorism


Today a security guard was shot. Not at a mall. Not at a school. The guard went down when an armed man opened fire inside the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C.

Two other security guards returned fire on James W. von Brunn, an 89-year-old World War II veteran who -- in his blog entry dated May 12, 2008 -- published a piece entitled "Hitler's Worst Mistake: He Didn't Gas The Jews."

The accused shooter's writing goes on to articulate his feelings on the Holocaust: "It is now proven - irrefutably - there were no genocidal gas-chambers used during WWII. 6-million Jews were not murdered."

Why reprint the shooter's name, or quote any of the anti-Semitic trash he writes? Simple. To prove that, by combining his hateful prose with his decision to enter the Museum with a gun and pull the trigger, James von Brunn committed an act of terrorism this afternoon. Period.

Though the term terrorism seemed to enter the American vernacular following the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, the debate over the definition has recently intensified in mainstream media reports. Merriam-Webster dates the word to 1795 during the French Revolution. Today, more than 200 years on, many Americans choose to align terrorism with those who simply practice Islam.

There are people in this country who -- without a legitimate argument -- accuse our president of living a lie as a closeted agenda-driven Muslim. Some even still argue Obama was born in Africa.

These are the same people who will no doubt fight the notion that today's shooting in our nation's capitol was an act of American terrorism. An American -- who openly advertises his disdain for those of the Jewish faith -- committed an act of violence inside a museum dedicated to preserving the memory of those victimized by vile leadership. James von Brunn used his hatred as his motive to terrorize a monument he refuses to acknowledge.

James von Brunn is a terrorist.

The old man sought to provoke fear through his political agenda, a selfish and destructive act that may ultimately prove deadly for both the security guard and for himself.

My college terrorism course in 2002 was instructed by a self-proclaimed "leftist" Palestinian. But his class opened my eyes. He was not a terrorist sympathiser; my instructor simply wanted his students to realize the layers within a phenomenon we typically blame on those who sound and dress funny. Walter Laqueur's The New Terrorism investigates Hamas and the P.L.O., but also thoroughly examines the I.R.A., the Branch Davidians in Waco and Ted "The Unabomber"Kaczynski. Quite a read.

You see, conservative talk radio chalked up last week's shooting of abortion doctor George Tiller to nothing more than a mentally-challenged gunman, who lacked the fortitude to commit murder for political purposes. The doctor was killed inside a Kansas church. This week his family decided to close his clinic. So, once again, the terrorists won this battle.

The right-wing media solely blame hundreds of thousands of Islamic extremists for committing terrorism. Certainly truth exists here, but denying Fascist/white supremacist motives as a platform for domestic terrorism only further exposes American ignorance.

Folks, while terrorism certainly occurs abroad (al-Qaeda remains alive and active), terrorism is regularly happening here at home. The first World Trade Center attacks in New York. The Oklahoma City bombings. The Atlanta Olympics. Matthew Shepard in Wyoming. Columbine in Colorado. All serve as examples of violent intimidation. And all happened during the 1990s. Only a few, however, are officially regarded as terrorism.

The F.B.I. reports more than 9,000 hate crimes were committed in the U.S. in 2007. These facts are based on incidents involving violence toward a person based on his race, religion, sexuality, ethnicity, even disability. Why, then, are these cases not considered acts of terrorism?

While I realize this may be taking too many liberties with the definition of terrorism, why are we still arguing over its meaning two centuries following its first mention?

And why are the terrorists -- at home and abroad -- still getting their way?

--P.F.