Hey, Joe...

Bill Maher once jokingly attributed Barack Obama's calm demeanor during the campaign to Xanax. Seriously, who stays that calm for that long?

And then we have Joe Biden, for whom painkillers were likely designed. When he speaks, we shudder. Not to insult the senior senator, but his Secret Service detail might consider carrying a cattle prod. Somebody must immediately restrain our vice president.

Who could forget his endearing description of Obama in 2007: "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy." Remember, this was a year-and-a-half before Biden joined Obama on the ticket.

The thing is, Joe's sincerity seems to trip him up at the worst times. He doesn't ever quite sound like he's trying to offend, but he does.

How about his 7-11 comment to an Indian-American voter in 2006: "You cannot go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. Oh, I'm not joking." Joe swings, Joe misses.

I don't mean to cherry-pick sound bites here, but shouldn't Vice President Joe Biden be a bit more well-versed after 40-some years in politics?

Perhaps the comments with the most impact on the most people came this week regarding the swine flu. Joe told Matt Lauer on "Today" the Biden family would not be travelling on trains or in planes any time soon. "I wouldn't go anywhere in confined places now," Joe said.

Sure, that's his advice for his family, and probably not the worst thing he's ever said. But when the American people hear their V.P. warning his loved ones against travel, the American people get scared. And when the American people get scared, they get grounded.

My wife interviewed a woman here in Tampa who refuses to allow her daughter to go on a scheduled school field trip to Busch Gardens. Mom fears the swine flu spread, and who can blame her? After all, the vice president told her to be scared.

In Florida we can only hope the suspected cases (one in Pinellas County) test negative for the flu. Today the World Health Organization says we are prepared for a flu pandemic. For the first time, the W.H.O. will "track the evolution of a pandemic in real-time." It adds that "imposing travel restrictions would have very little effect on stopping the virus from spreading."

I'll tell you what shouldn't be flying: Air Force One. That photo-op last week cost taxpayers $329,000 and several new pairs of underwear. And -- for the very first time -- President Obama wasn't calm. He says he wasn't consulted about the flight until after the picture was snapped.

I wonder if he settled down by lighting up one of those Menthols he used to smoke. Maybe Joe knows. Just don't ask him publicly.


-P.F.